Recently a trusted friend told me ?you put everyone else first, that?s just what you do?. Coming from a trusted and respected person the comment hit me hard. I defensively sought out the basis for the comment and liked what I found even less than the opening salvo. ?well Dee?, he asked calmly, can you tell me the last thing that you did just for yourself?? It took me several moments to come up with any little thing, and over an hour to come up with anything significant. I was stunned and disappointed. I have spent several days meditating and ruminating on the matter. I reviewed the overriding societal dictates for a good woman, wife, mother.
Those from the church where I grew up, my culture and socio-economic group. The messages that I received from my social and professional peers, the behavior modeled by women in my family. My personal beliefs, experiences, desires and goals were often at odds with the image, and fell by the wayside in the face of my playing the role; good daughter, woman, mother. I simply never serve myself first! Without fail, I put the needs and wants of others before my own. As the divorced mother of three, with aging family, I am constantly in the caregiver role and seldom give to myself. The list is endless; the son needs ?, the daughter must?, the aunt wants?, the boyfriend is stressed?, the bestfriend is troubled?, the client needs?, the ex? eeek!
My mind turned to the last plane trip I took. I thought initially because I wanted to run away and escape, but soon I realized the value of the memory. In case of emergency the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, and parents flying with children are told to place the mask over their own face before addressing the needs of the child. Simple, straight forward. I need to have air, be fed, feel good before I can provide for others. Serve myself first!!! If I fail in that task, duty, obligation, then I am no good for anyone I love. Serve myself first!!! My ability to address desires, pleasures, and needs are important, if not essential, to the well being of my loved ones. Love myself first. That?s what I must do, so that I have love enough for others. So, now I am searching for a replica of the airplane oxygen mask to hang in my bedroom, to remind me that often being selfish is the most selfless thing I can do. Until then, I’ll fasten my seat belt low and tight…
Priscilla Dee Dixon
Dee is a mother of three teens, an attorney, and the founder Parenting 4 Academic Success, a parent advocacy group.
About misslori
