Today I watched a new series on Lifetime called Drop Dead Diva. Actually I knew nothing of the show, I haven?t seen the news or Access Hollywood in weeks. I guess my husband set the DVR to catch the show. Whatever the reason I am thankful that he did it. The story is of a young, skinny, blonde model named Deb who dies in a car accident because she was more concerned about applying her lip gloss than watching the road. At the same time a brilliant, overworked, underappreciated lawyer named Jane is shot at her firm by a betrayed husband. When Deb arrives at the pearly gates, more like a bustling telemarketing office, she is understandably shocked to realize that she has died. Her gatekeeper informs her that she is a ?zero zero?; no bad deeds, but no good deeds on her record either. Deb is incredulous and demands to be sent back. When told that isn?t possible she takes matters into her own hands and presses the ?return? key herself. Deb?s soul is flushed back into the real World only to land in the body of Jane, who is lying, flat-line, in the ER. Deb?s soul breathes life back into Jane?s body, and thus our story really begins. Deb is now Jane, complete with Jane?s mind, but with all of Deb?s memories. Actress Brooke Elliott is delightful. She makes us truly see Deb in Jane?s body. We believe her discomfort at the realization that she is now in this extremely unfamiliar skin, much larger than she is accustomed to living in. We see the skinny girl dropped into the heavy girl, and view them both with new eyes of understanding.
?
I was really taken in by this premise. It touched my own soul quite unexpectedly. I realized halfway through the pilot that I feel like Deb. I was once a stacked actress/singer/dancer. I had spent my childhood feeling unattractive and unworthy. I came into my twenties and finally felt pretty good in my own body. I could look in the mirror and feel, dare I say, beautiful. I got married and started having kids and my body changed. To be expected. I gained weight with pregnancies, and lost it, after some hard work. But after having all of my babies, living with immense amounts of stress, and extreme sleep deprivation, my ?Deb? disappeared into ?Jane?. Now, I wake up in the morning and I feel like ?Deb? inside, attractive and vibrant, even sexy. Then I pass a mirror and I have to accept the crushing reality that I?m not in fact Deb anymore, I?m Jane. I feel foreign to myself. But I am raising children, 2 girls in particular, trying to instill in them a clear sense of self, and self love. It?s a difficult task when you aren?t feeling all that loving of yourself. Ironic really. Since at this time in my life I feel so aware and proud of my own abilities and potential from the inside out. As Deb proclaimed after spending a little time in Jane?s body, ?I?m smart!?. It does feel good to know that I am smart, but I just wish that I could enjoy that revelation while also feeling pretty.
Now I bring all of this up not in search of sympathy, or ego bolstering compliments. Because the truth is it doesn?t matter what other people say, if we don?t feel our worth from the inside out there is nothing anyone else can say to us to change our minds. But that is my point. The inside out. What I have come to realize at this stage in my life is that what has made me the most beautiful, the most proud, the most fulfilled is not what I see in the mirror, but what I have worked hard to learn, cultivate and accomplish with my mind and my talent, and not my body.
I won?t lie to you I still long for a body to match my mind. But my reality is Jane; I am Jane. I can have a skinny soul, but it is my heavy mind that is the real value.
SMILE On!
ML
This is an original Chicago Mom’s Blog posting. You can find Miss Lori “Musing from her Minivan” at her new blogsite MissLori.TV, as well as on ChicagoMomsBlog, facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Myspace and her own performance website, Miss Lori’s CAMPUS.
About misslori
