Prince William is getting married tomorrow to his longtime love, Kate Middleton, at Westminster Abbey. If you recall Westminster Abbey is the site of Prince Williams’ mother’s funeral, Princess Diana. The most profoundly painful moments in his life to date I am guessing. That’s exactly why I think it is a good idea for him to get married there. No, I am not morbid or a glutton for punishment. The reality is that the only way he can demystify Westminster Abbey is to replace his sad memory with a happy one. He needs to reclaim Westminster, (and frankly so does the World).
I am a firm believer that part of conquering grief is to create new, more pleasant memories in places that have become taboo. I’m serious. Think about it. Remember back when you broke up with a boyfriend, (or girlfriend), and for what seemed like ever you couldn’t go to that one club, or sit on that certain bench, because it was “our” bench. You needed to reclaim that bench as “yours” by creating a new, and ultimately more powerful memory-or series of memories. You may not have turned it into a precious totem, but at least you would be able to walk past it without getting hives.
You get the idea yet? Ok, here’s another example. Last year at the MORE Reinvention convention I had the great fortune to hear Jenny Sanford speak. She is the ex-wife of Mark Sanford, former Governor of South Carolina. You know, the guy who famously said he was hiking on the Appalachian trail, when in fact he was in Argentina with his mistress. Well, I was so impressed with Jenny’s story, especially how strong she had been, and is being for her children; still working on their behalf to nurture their relationship with their father, despite her personal Hell. Nevertheless, the kids are haunted by their father’s choices. In fact she mentioned at the convention that one of her children, while doing a personal crest for a school project, had spoken very negatively about Argentina as a result of his father’s machinations. An entire country had become taboo for a child because of his father’s machinations. I went up to her after her speech and I told her what I am telling you now, “Take back your memory!” In other words, “Take back your Argentina.” I suggested to her that, if she found it possible, she might take her children on a trip to Argentina and create a beautiful memory to compete with, if not defeat, all of the ill will their father created between them and the country of Argentina. One protective mother to another, I said to Jenny, “Empower your children. Help them own their memories.” Now I don’t know if she will ever go to Argentina, but I definitely saw a flicker in her eyes that day; a lightbulb of understanding. No matter what I am sure she will do something to combat that negativity, because she is clearly that kind of mother.
So on this eve of the William and Kate royal nuptials, I am closing my eyes and saying a silent prayer of good will, good luck, and above all good memories for the couple… and for the World.
Have you ever tried to make a new memory to reclaim a place or event? Did it work for you I would love to hear your story.
Miss Lori can be found Musing from her Minivan at MissLori.TV , Wearetherealdeal.com , YoungChicagonista , ChicagoMomsBlog , and ChicagoMoms.com. You can also see her Activating to Be Great at Miss Lori’s CAMPUS on Youtube, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.